A Smile Hides A Thousand Tears…

By | , | April 28, 2022

A Smile Hides A Thousand Tears…

This year has been the hardest of my life to date. This relentless illness has tipped my world upside down.

Each day has brought with it a struggle to breathe, chest pains, and heart palpitations. The feeling that I am being choked. My entire body aches by the end of a day of doing nothing.

Inflammation confirmed in my lungs, heart, and now bowel too. I’m mourning my physical health. I’m battling mental health. I’m mourning the old me who just doesn’t exist anymore.

This has been happening for six months now.

I’ve been from doctor to doctor, spent thousands of pounds of my own money, all to no avail.

Each day I live like this feels like torture and I can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t know if I will ever recover from this or if that’s it. My life changed with one tiny decision.

I’m told to be positive!

But right now I don’t feel like I have a lot to look forward to. There are many more people out there going through what I am or even worse. With no access to help. No answers. Just completely left in limbo. People desperate to feel better. People that were trying to do the right thing. Adverse reactions are ignored or palmed off by people. “Not that common.” Common or not, people are hurting. No one is helping. How is that okay? #realnotrare

On June 4th 2021, I had my first Moderna vaccination. I was at peak physical fitness, weight training every day, cycling 5 days a weak, and sprint training when I wasn’t cycling. Ten days after my vaccine, I started to experience shortness of breath, chest pains, and an elevated heart rate. On my first visit to the doctors, I was told that this was probably hayfever and that the pollen count was extremely high. My second visit I was diagnosed with asthma. After repeated phone calls explaining that things were getting worse, I was sent for a blood clot test, which returned a positive result. I was sent to hospital. A further blood clot test returned a negative result. A CT scan showed some abnormalities on my lungs and I was informed that lung inflammation was causing the problems. I was sent home with an 8 week course of steroids. The steroids did nothing. I genuinely at one point (I know this sounds dramatic) thought I was going to die. I went to A&E and after some basic stats were taken I was asked to leave. I was made to feel like a hypochondriac, like there was nothing wrong with me. By this point in the illness I had at least four doctors ask me: “Are you sure this isn’t anxiety?”

As a last resort, I sought help privately. A respiratory consultant informed me that the changes on my lungs were unlikely to be causing my symptoms and referred me to a cardiologist. Fast forward eleven weeks from my first doctor visit, a number of expensive tests, acupuncture, alternative medicine, and three trips to London, I was diagnosed with vaccine induced Myopericarditis — inflammation of the heart muscle and membrane. Not a lung problem or hay fever or asthma or anxiety.

Vaccine injuries are not being handled. People are being ignored. They are not getting help. If I wasn’t fortunate enough to have a private healthcare policy, I dread to think where I would be. The problems people are experiencing are severe, in some cases life threatening, and people are being medically gaslighted. The cost of this to me personally has been enormous. I’ve lost months of my life, have been unable to go out and do anything. My mental health has suffered tremendously. The cost of prescriptions, travel, alternative therapy, and diagnostic tests (I ran out of my BUPA allowance!) is nearing £2,000 and without the policy I had it would’ve been nearer the £5,000 mark. The whole thing has been a complete nightmare and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I am now in the worst physical shape of my life and it will be a very long time until I am back to full fitness. There are people out there suffering far worse adverse reactions than I have experienced. People that need help. We need to open our eyes to this and we need to start talking about it. Something has got to be done.

UPDATE: 1st December 2021.
Update. Blood tests back today and thankfully and autoimmune disease has not been triggered. My immune system is still overreacting to the toxin so I am going on another course of steroids to try to calm it down in attempt to treat the cause rather than treating the inflammation itself.

I would strongly urge people to carefully consider boosting what has already been put into your body. I totally understand there are some “unlucky” people. The sacrificial lambs. I get that. And I would be okay with that if it was for a good cause. But it isn’t. You can still get it and you can still spread it.

The difference is if you do get it, you will be given medical treatment. There is help and protocols available. For me, there is no help. No known treatment. No one is paying for this but me. I have been left to fend for myself.

How can you encourage (or coerce) an entire population into doing something but not have a plan for when things go wrong?

I beg you, please learn from my experience. Please don’t let this happen to you. If any good can come of this, let it be that.

Side note: I am now losing my hair too.

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